The Outside Stepmom


If you’re a stepmom, you know what “outsider status” means.  You know that you can often be lonely and not completely included in your own family, in your own house.  Sometimes even outright ignored when you’re standing right there in the room.  I’m not gonna lie:  after many years of being in a blended family…it still hurts my feelings every time.  Thankfully, with the blending process it happens less often now.

And maybe in the growing toward becoming a seasoned stepmom, one realizes that as much as it smarts, it’s just how stepfamilies are.  It’s an adjustment that stepmoms make as they learn that there are lots of people in the family with different relationships, perspectives, experiences, and emotions.  As a non-biological parent you just won’t be included as much (in most cases).  It’s just a reality.

Take this for example.  Stepkid says to stepmom:  “You can’t be in this conversation because it doesn’t involve you.”  Ouch.  My biological kids would never speak to me that way.  But (gulp), my stepkid is right!  Not every conversation should include a stepmom.  Sometimes the whole family should be included, sometimes just the biological parent(s), and sometimes there are conversations just between the stepkiddo and stepparent as the relationship grows.  But as a stepparent, I’m not entitled to enter into each part of my stepkids’ lives.  I’m to be given respect (and my husband makes sure that is known), but I’m not entitled to be in all parts of my stepkids lives. And that kinda sucks for me to be excluded.  And at the same time, my kids all deserve a special intimate relationship with their parents.  That should be preserved. And I don’t need to horn in on it, even when it smarts.

Today I’m thankful for my stepmom friends.  They get it.  They go through the same things.  And I’m so encouraged to see stepmom groups forming all over the country.  Power to the stepmoms for supporting each other!

Galations 6:2 (NIV):  “Carry each other’s burdens…”

What are you thankful for today?



2 thoughts on “The Outside Stepmom

  1. johnandjanelb

    So grateful and humbled by your perspective on a situation where you could legitimately choose to be angered, and instead return a blessing for an insult. So gracious! Love it.

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